Making Peace With Past Choices

It Cannot Be Any Other Way

Do you ever ask yourself some version of the question, "Why does it have to be like this?

Well, the answer is always simple and it's always the same.

It's because the conditions were such that it couldn't possibly have been any other way.

There are many reasons why practicing having a mindful awareness of how we experience our lives leads to a more generalised sense of ease and agency in our lives.

And one of the big reasons is that when we have a genuine non-judgmental awareness of what's going on for us moment to moment, we start to have a much deeper appreciation for the non-personal nature of cause and effect.

Which in itself can be very freeing.

And that appreciation typically shows up as a willingness to let go of all the ways that we identify with and make personal and claim ownership of the things that we don't create or at least consciously choose and that we cannot control.

The Resisting Mind

How often do you find yourself having to contend with a mind that's resisting what you're experiencing? That resistance might come in the form of thinking,

"Why did I say that?"

Or, "Why did they have to go and do that?"

Or, "It shouldn't be like this."

"If only that hadn't happened."

"If only I'd have chosen to do this instead of that."

And then of course it all gets compounded as we start adding on layers of blame and shame, guilt, judgment and self criticism.

Which of course is the easiest thing in the world to do because that's what we're conditioned to do.

Unfortunately we didn't get to choose our conditioning. We just get to play it out.

Mindfully Letting Go

But as we practice having mindful awareness and hanging out in that beautiful, clear, mental space that it affords us, we start to see something more useful and truthful.

That everything happens exactly the way that it does because all the myriad causes and conditions that preceded it were such that it couldn't have been any other way.

And that includes the choices that we make in the moment.

That's not to say that they're always the most helpful or productive choices, obviously.

Just that if you could rewind, if you could go back to exactly the way things were, and have a do over, as long as the exact same causes and conditions remain intact, including the precise configuration of your mind and the minds of others, then the same reaction or choice would be made over and over again.

And with this mindful recognition, it no longer makes sense for us to beat ourselves up about not having made a better choice at the time.

Or to hold on to our resistance about the way things are now.

In fact the resistance gives way to a calm curiosity - an investigation about - what were the causes and conditions that led to this particular outcome or experience?

And then we gently let go of our insistence that we could have done otherwise in that moment.

Learn From Past Reactivity

Now, you may be thinking, "Well, if we're not 100 percent in control of the choices we make in any moment, then we're screwed."

We're not screwed.

Because the more conscious we become of how particular causes and conditions lead to particular reactions and experiences, and we take on board that learning in a genuine felt way, then the less inclined we are to repeat unhelpful past reactivity.

The presence of the mindful awareness itself sets up a new condition that precedes future choices being made.

Ones that are infused with the experience and the learning of what's gone before.

As the saying goes, when we know better, we do better.

And with mindfulness, we do that in a much more embodied way.

So why do things have to be exactly the way they are?

Because they cannot be any other way.

But the more practiced we become at dropping into that open spacious awareness that comes from learning mindfulness, the more agency we have to influence the conditions that shape the moments that follow, for the better.

Need Help?

I'd love to show you exactly how to develop this capacity for yourself.

I have a couple of open spots for one to one mindfulness coaching, where I can teach you exactly how to do what we've been talking about in this video, and much more besides.

So if you'd like to learn more about that then just drop me a line, I'd be more than happy to have a completely free, no obligation chat to tell you how that works and to answer your questions.

But for now, may you be well, please take great care of yourself, speak soon.